Day 1

First, THANK YOU for all the support!  I expected to maybe get some e-high-fives from a few close  friends which would have been more than enough to hold my feet to the self-improvement fire.  Instead, I received boatloads of positive feedback from many people, some whom I haven't seen in years.  Your encouragement means a lot and will certainly keep me motivated.

I feel I was a bit misleading in my first post:  last Thursday was not, in fact, Day 1 of my self-improvement journey.  This weekend was Zach's brother's wedding and between the chicken broccoli alfredo at the rehearsal dinner and the cupcake display at the wedding (not to mention the lobster rolls and steak tips at the day-after party), I was not quite ready (nor willing) to dive right into major dietary changes.  I know, I know.  Poor excuse.  There will always be weddings and parties and nights out; in order to truly make the change I will have to be ready to handle such tempting situations.  But given that I'm just getting going, I don't quite feel strong enough to resist overindulging.

So instead I decided to start today, on an "easier", average day.  Turns out, not so easy.  I did manage to keep my calories within my Lose It! daily allotment but not without feeling fairly hungry all day.  I take that back:  I wasn't hungry persay.  But boy, did I want to eat.  And such is the crux of my weight problem.  If I focus on my the hunger in my stomach, most of the time, I'm not hungry.  Yet, as soon as I get into my head, I could eat a horse.  Like right now.  My stomach is not grumbling nor does it feel empty.  So why I am salivating at the thought of any food?  This will most certainly be the hardest thing for me to over come.  As with any addiction, I need to learn how to best survive these cravings.  Tonight I'm trying mint tea.  I've tried this in the past with some success so I figured I'd give it another shot.  With tea, I don't add any calories but still get a little flavor to satisfy my tastebuds.  It is still not food however, and boy, do I know that. I keep telling myself that if I can keep my cravings at bay, over time, it will become easier and easier to distinguish actual hunger from  my "mental hunger."  Until then though, it's going to be tough, requiring a lot of self-control on my part.  Hopefully, I will stick to it though, especially given so many eyes are watching.  I'll just have to take it one day at a time.

Refocusing

After quite the hiatus, I've decided to return to the blogosphere.  This time, however, I will not just be posting as a runner.  You see, in my post-collegiate days I have lost more than just running fitness; I have also lost my general state of good health and well-being.  Since college, I have gain 50lbs and continue to see the number on the scale climb ever so slowly.  I have developed very poor eating habits, often eating 3000 calories a day, most of which are high in fat.  I am constantly battling some type of illness or ailment which leaves me feeling run down and unmotivated.  I spend money at an unsustainable rate, usually on food or drink, rather than saving it for important adult things like new cars and houses.  Generally speaking, I've kind of let myself go.

Surprisingly, even given all this, I would say I'm still a fairly happy person.  I have a wonderful boyfriend and dog, both who love me for who I am, no matter the shape or size.  I have great friends and a supportive family who I know would be there for me whenever I needed them.  I still really enjoy my research, even after 6-years of getting paid virtually minimum wage to do it (ok so it's not that bad...). However, the burden my weight, health, and finances certainly makes it difficult to truly enjoy each moment. These should be the fun and exciting days of my life; I should be out explore new places, meeting new people, and trying new things.  Yet, on any given day, I'd much rather park it on the couch than to go anywhere.  Don't get me wrong, relaxing in the comfort of your home is certainly a fine option, but sometimes I feel I choose it, not because I truly want to, but because the stress, exhaustion, self-consciousness, and embarrassment my health and well-being issues bring make staying in a much safer option.

I've been trying to address all of these issues for some time now but just can't seem to commit.  As with any habit, the bad health and financial tendencies I have developed are incredibly hard to break.  I've tried numerous independent options including online logs (mint.com, loseit.com, weightwatchers.com) as well as  weight and spending spreadsheets with little success.  So I've decided to try something different:  make my progress public.  By posting my progress to the world, I'm holding myself more accountable for my actions, which will hopefully motivate me to keep working on myself.  With the help of faithful readers, I will also hopefully gain a support network, who's encouragement will help me through rough patches.

So, here goes nothing.  Let the life improvement begin.